Summer

It is officially here! Ok, it’s almost 24 hours old. Here in the mid-Atlantic states it’s getting hotter (we had a momentary cool down over the past few days). This weekend I drive Mum’s car north to give it to her sister. Right now it is at the shop having some major work done. Not out of the ordinary for a car with 60K miles and I want it done before it gets handed over. That will be one more thing done. Things get checked off the list one by one. What do I do when the list is done? That is almost as scary as having the list to deal with in the first place…

???

Lots of stuff running around in my head. Lots of stuff crowding my house but no energy or desire to move it along, which in and of itself is depressing… Been to two Spin classes this week and  ate more veg yesterday than in days, may weeks, past – and my “system” certainly noticed (ok, TMI?) – but anyhow, it is all part of  – let’s get moving – literally and figuratively. Hopefully if the body feels better, then the mind will be motivated and  so on and so on, etc, etc, etc…

So much stuff just spinning in my head – it is hard to keep track. I think of something when I’m leaving the car and know I need to write it down and by the time I’m in the house – it’s gone. That is very frustrating. I have many things I want to do and no clear path to getting them done.

Work is increasingly interesting – and that’s a good thing. This is just a bunch of rambling, much like the rambling in my brain. Now I’ll get back to the rambling that pays the mortgage.

As I saw a guy out in front of the Y today getting on his very cool looking orange Harley, I thought, “I wonder what MY mid-life crisis will look like?”

signs, messages or nothing but nothing

This week I feel a little like doors are closed or walls are up in terms of starting some new things in my life – or maybe the map I think I should be following is being rewritten as I drive – kinda like when the GPS does its “recalculating” or “rerouting.”

I’ve been toying with beginning a Master’s Degree program in Project Management. It would be tons of work, but for what? My boss confirmed that it won’t do a thing for me in my current company. I would be doing it to prove something to myself. My first attempt at college was not successful and my second, while successful (BS in Education), my performance was not stellar but any stretch of the imagination. As a 22-year-old I had no idea what I wanted to be, to be or anything. I studied education and have not been paid money for one day of teaching in my life. As a 49-year-old professionally certified Project Manager, I know what I can do, I enjoy what I do and I’m good at it. The program I’m looking at considers the actions of a 22-year-old over the career of a 49 year professional (as evidenced by the response when I informed the Admissions Counselor of my approximate GPA upon graduation). I’m not sure I understand the rationale. What I do know is that this program will not make me smart (I think maybe the 22-year-old me needs to know for sure that she is not stupid). I’m still pondering what to do but I’m not going to lose sleep over this one.

Maybe I should be looking to more creative ventures? Well, I tried to sign up for an online CEU course at the local Community College. Since I’ve taken classes there in the past, I am in the system. I tried to sign up but something it messed up in the system and I can’t sign up online. I need to print the application and mail it or deliver it in person. It has to be mailed 30 days prior to desire class – um, the class I want to take starts next week! So, if time allows, I’ll head over to the campus next week – if not, then this will happen later.

Tonight, I opened another box of Mum’s stuff (there are still tons left!)… it was stuff from her desk. I filled a trash bag, put a couple of things in a box for Goodwill and only a couple of consumable type things made their way up to my office. Maybe things are opening up slowly so that I have and take the time to go through things and get my house back? I don’t really know but I’ll keep plodding along and when the time is right the right things will make themselves known to me.

A Year of Firsts

When someone close to you dies, you begin living “a year of firsts.” Your first birthday since they passed (mine was in May and my cousin was in town with me). The person who passed’s birthday (that’ll wait nearly a year as Mum died three days after her 80th birthday. Easter (done), Christmas, etc.

Today, I took my first trip on a plane since she died. The flight began without that last phone call. We landed and I didn’t make that immediate phone call (I swear she held her breath the entire time I was in the air). I did text my cousin, force of habit – someone needed to know.

I’ve had some quiet time this afternoon and the fleeting thought has entered my mind to call and check on her. I probably called more when I was traveling. I called her lots even when I wasn’t traveling.

Life goes on as those who mourn live through their year of firsts. Life is going on and I am happy to be in FL to celebrate the marriage of A&K tomorrow.

Paper

We create, save, send, receive and keep way too much paper. Tonight, I went through two boxes of Mum’s papers. I’ve nearly filled a “Banker’s Box” with a neat stack of paper (neatly stacked on its side, it holds much more paper!).

A local TV station (NBC4) along with a regional bank (PNC) and document shredding company (Shred-It) hold what they call a Community Shred every couple of months. There is one scheduled for Saturday, June 11 so I am going through boxes of papers first so I can take as much as possible to the big shred trucks in 10 days. The amount of time, energy and the bags of shred that would be created it seems like a much better idea to take as much paper as possible. I can take up to five boxes. I think I’ll probably end up with three or four, but we shall see.

So, tonight, I emptied one box and a half of another (it holds the old taxes returns – gotta keep them a few more years). In the next week I need to find the rest of the papers in the boxes. I know of a couple more full box of papers… Now I just need to find them. There’s a couple of boxes in the way… ya, just a couple.