Thankful for so very much in my life.
Thanksgiving Day was busy. It was my first time in church on Thanksgiving since Mum died (3.5 yrs ago). I kept busy in the back at church, didn’t really listen to much of the service. Shed a few tears with friends as we sang “We gather together to ask the Lord’s blessing.” The last few years are have been punctuated with loss and that comes boiling to the surface this time of year.
For me, the holidays are still hard. They are different each year, not sure if they are easier. On the one hand, I’d like to stay in bed and drink tea and eat biscuits; on the other hand, I love spending time with friends.
I rarely go to family because that is still too hard. Mum should be here. I was lucky enough to spend every holiday with her and most of the family for 49 years, and for 41 of them Dad was there. I’ve had to make new holidays traditions now that they are both gone. I spend time with friends so it’s good, but different. It’s not that I don’t miss them but it makes me miss them a little differently. The edges around the sorrow are a little smoothed and not quite as jagged.
My family doesn’t really understand and I’ve not really been able to articulate it even to myself until this year. I will travel to see the family in N.E. over one weekend in December. A couple of years ago, I went to Wales to visit bro during December, but I spend the actual holiday with friends.
So, the next five weeks will probably fly by and then life will get back to “normal” until the holiday season of 2015, when it will be a little different again.