Today’s things

A few things from today:

  1. A 3.8 mile walk this morning, and then I’ve not left the house except to put the trash out.
  2. A migraine with aura put my day in a weird spot. The morning started with visual disturbance, and then the pain started. Some ibuprofen and taking a nap with ice packs on the back of my neck and on my eyes helped. Now I am feeling the headache hangover. I hope a good night’s sleep will send that away.
  3. Tomorrow’s weather is supposed to be really hot and then the temperature dive into Autumn.
  4. I may have found a kitty litter that actually doesn’t cause clouds of dust. This is actually very good news in the kitty care and home cleaning arena.
  5. Threshold sheets from Target feel quite luxurious. 100% cotton, and they are so soft.

Well, that’s all that’s new today.

 

Chihuly external installation at the St. Louis Botanical Gardens, taken in May 2010

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Time Gone By

Sometimes my writing is somewhat more frequent and other times (most times) it is not. Paris was wonderful! I mean, it’s Paris. Brussels was wonderful! Frites and chocolate and beer! Come on!

Upon my return, I dove into Beginning Hebrew. “Jan Term” class, 10 weeknights – M-W-F and then W-F and M-W. Oiy. It has been so much fun! So challenging. And somewhat stressful, even though I’m auditing. Old stresses and pressures from schooldays still follow me. I am very happy that I took the class but will be very happy to have it end.

I’ve put things off during this month of “Jan Term” class. I trick myself into believing that I don’t have time to things because I have to study. I have been studying but there’s been many times when I’ve just put things off.

This class became somewhat of a “round tuit.” I could only do certain things and the rest would have to wait until I got a “round tuit.” With class ending, I’ll have no excuse and will get a “round tuit” on the icky household chores that have taunted me this month.

What are you delaying until you get a “round tuit?”

“Sitting here with you.”

This phrase has become a touchstone for me since attending Patti Digh’s Life is a Verb Camp in November. There was a talk on bullying and the unveiling of a bench that has the words “You Can Sit Here with Us” across the top. This is a movement started by authors, artists and social activists; they are sharing stories and using the creation of art to stop bullying. Please read their website and join the movement: http://www.youcansitherewithus.com/

On a personal level, this phrase has meant so much more. This camp was attended by people from all over the world and at the end of camp, we were scattered back to our corners of the world – changed. This amazing group of (mostly) women and a few awesome men sat with each other for two to three and a half days. There was so much laughter. There were many tears. There were walls breaking down. There were people being built up. There were people being held up by those around them. There was love and support and, well just more love.

When there is a need for support and good thoughts and prayers for someone in the tribe, a call goes out (via Facebook) to “don your camp shirt” and send as much love across the miles as is possible. I, and others, accompany this action by telling the person in need that we are “sitting with you.” A simple phrase, but this morning it was “said” to me and I felt the power. It caught me up short and took my breath away (thanks momma!). To know that, at that moment in time, many miles away, someone was sitting with me and thinking about me and holding me up in prayer or good thoughts and love was so very real.

“Sitting here with you” seems a passive response, and maybe it is for many but for me as the sender and this morning as there receiver, it was so freakin’ powerful. The power of love. The power of the shirt. The power of sitting, with each other, hundreds or thousands of miles apart. The power of love.

Giving Thanks

Thankful for so very much in my life.

Thanksgiving Day was busy. It was my first time in church on Thanksgiving since Mum died (3.5 yrs ago). I kept busy in the back at church, didn’t really listen to much of the service. Shed a few tears with friends as we sang “We gather together to ask the Lord’s blessing.” The last few years are have been punctuated with loss and that comes boiling to the surface this time of year.

For me, the holidays are still hard. They are different each year, not sure if they are easier. On the one hand, I’d like to stay in bed and drink tea and eat biscuits; on the other hand, I love spending time with friends.

I rarely go to family because that is still too hard. Mum should be here. I was lucky enough to spend every holiday with her and most of the family for 49 years, and for 41 of them Dad was there. I’ve had to make new holidays traditions now that they are both gone. I spend time with friends so it’s good, but different. It’s not that I don’t miss them but it makes me miss them a little differently. The edges around the sorrow are a little smoothed and not quite as jagged.

My family doesn’t really understand and I’ve not really been able to articulate it even to myself until this year. I will travel to see the family in N.E. over one weekend in December. A couple of years ago, I went to Wales to visit bro during December, but I spend the actual holiday with friends.

So, the next five weeks will probably fly by and then life will get back to “normal” until the holiday season of 2015, when it will be a little different again.

Utterly Overwhelmed By Work

The day started pretty well and then I became mired in stuff that is still so new to me. New job is only two months old. Today is the first day that I thought maybe I can’t do it. Maybe my fears and apprehensions were well placed. Fear isn’t real. I know, but today, it seems very real and crushing.

Tomorrow, I have four times the work to get thru that I tried to do today. Four times. It will be an extraordinarily long day but I will get through it, one way or another. I know this is true, but right now, I’m so overwhelmed.

Then the news from Ferguson. Overwhelming. Is there a win in this situation? No one wins here, not any side. Maybe the saddest part is that there are sides and in the “American way” there’s gotta be a winner. I just don’t think there is a winner in this story.

Two Weeks

– Trip delayed for two weeks and I find myself in exactly the same spot I was in two weeks ago. I could have finished packing – I did not. Well, no harm no foul because I was in pretty good shape them so I’ll just pick up where I left off

– C and I have been walking. We walked four out of five days the week before last, averaging about 3.5 miles per day. Last week we walked five days averaging about 4 miles per day. I’m exhausted but feel great??

– Playing Bunco for the first time ever last night. It was fun.

– I bought another “toy” to take on my trip. Since I’ve signed up for the helicopter ride (oiy!), I want to be certain to capture as much as I can, and I’ve wanted a GoPro for a while. Bought at REI with REI credit card so at least I get about 15% back in REI dollars. Works for me.

– My goal today is to finish packing, but first, more coffee.

Disappointment

– I got more than half-way packed over the weekend.

– Monday night, the adventure was cancelled due to ship crippled by engine failure. They had to fly the current group home from Greenland – total bummer for them too!

– Hope for a different opportunity starting in two weeks.

– Being a “planner,” it is unsettling so am trying to live into the uncertainty. This is not an easy thing.

– Growing experience, but disappointing for sure.